


Whiskey Drinkin’ Hell Raisin’ Cigarette Smokin’ Kind Of Southern Girl (who will wreck your soul like no other)

by 0ceansgayt



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Good ole southern girl Aubrey, Very minor side Steca, broadway Star Chloe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 00:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13470177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0ceansgayt/pseuds/0ceansgayt
Summary: Aubrey was happy - she really was. She loved Chloe dearly, but Chloe loved her job more. Sometimes you have to go back to your roots to see who you really are.





	Whiskey Drinkin’ Hell Raisin’ Cigarette Smokin’ Kind Of Southern Girl (who will wreck your soul like no other)

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know how this sparked my interest other than watching Anna Camp in “1 Night”. 
> 
> Hopefully will have an epilogue soon!

The smoke flew from her lips, pouted perfectly into a little ‘o’ as she stood atop the apartment building. It wasn’t back home - no, not the mountains and sweet tea with ice she had grown used to over the years - but it was still her home nonetheless.

  
Her eyes traveled along the skyline, taking in each elaborate building as tendrils of cigarette smoke surrounded her. Therapy came in all forms, and hers was a shot of whiskey, country music, and a good smoke.

  
Not that she was a smoker, because she wasn’t. Smokers were dirty, grungy, and unkempt - the exact opposite of her prim, proper, and collected exterior.

  
She leaned into the half wall she was standing at - not too close, though, in an effort to avoid picking or tearing her perfectly pressed pencil skirt - and took a long draw off her quickly dwindling cigarette.

  
Her eyes traveled down the road, focusing in on a calm, quiet spot in front of the walking trail. It was the only bit of calm she could see in the area, gorgeous New York skyline stretched out in front of her.

  
The city never felt like home to her - not even Atlanta, as far south as that had been - not like her home up in the mountains across the rock gorge. But it was her love’s dream, the place she wanted to be more than anything.

  
Their careers flourished here, a successful lawyer and her gorgeous Broadway star. It was a life that most would envy, really, but she wanted nothing more than to be back home sipping on a sweet tea mixed with Southern Comfort.

  
Light footsteps on the roof had the woman jumping, abandoned cigarette thrown off the roof and attempting to cough the smoke out of her mouth - because she was not a smoker. Not in the slightest.

  
“Aubrey?” The redheaded woman stepped closer to her, mouth dropping open in realization. “Oh, this is where you snuck off to.”

  
“Yeah. I’m okay.” The blonde rummaged through her purse for some gum, carefully zipping shut the pocket that contained her cigarettes and airplane bottle of whiskey. She popped a small white square into her mouth and chewed, offering a piece to her girlfriend.

  
“No, but thank you.” Chloe wrinkled her nose at the idea of chewing gum and sipping on her wine, which she had brought up to the rooftop with her. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

  
“Of course - why wouldn’t I be?” Aubrey smiled, collecting herself in an instant.

She wouldn’t admit that she missed her home - the one place she felt like she belonged - and she should be happier.

  
They had been celebrating Chloe’s role in an upcoming Broadway show - the lead role, something she had worked for her entire life. She should be happier, joining the party she was supposed to be hosting, but instead she was up here. Not smoking, and most certainly not sipping on whiskey.

  
“I see you, you know? We’ve been together for nearly a decade, Bree. Don’t shut me out.”

  
She mulled the words over in her head, deciding how to respond best. With a sigh, she walked over to the patio chairs, motioning her girlfriend over to her.

  
“What are you-“ Chloe’s words were cut off by the clatter coming from Aubrey’s chair, the blonde pulling various items out of her purse.

  
“I miss my mama and my mamaw today.” The blonde didn’t elaborate, just lighting a cigarette and setting the whiskey on the arm of the chair.

  
She held the small pack of cigarettes in front of the redhead, taking in the look of shock and confusion on her face.

  
“What?” Aubrey sported a small smirk, lighting her cigarette with one hand and taking a long draw.

  
“You...smoke?” It was more of a question than a statement, words hushed with wonder.

  
“Always have. But I’m not a smoker. Ever wondered why I take forever coming home from work?” Another long draw off the cigarette, smoke billowing out from between her lips.

  
No. Chloe hadn’t noticed, too caught up in her career and perfect life. Not that it bothered Aubrey - she got to find herself in those quiet moments after work, away from the constant chatter and phones ringing.

  
“Oh.” The redhead’s head dropped, clearly upset that she had never noticed - cared to wonder.

  
“So, want a smoke?” Aubrey drawled out, small smile on her face as she tipped her head back and tried to squint hard enough to see the stars.

  
She always remembered her Mamaw’s words when she felt homesick for the south - “When you get to missin’ me, just look for the Big Dipper. As long as we’re under the same sky, you’ll never be too far.” - uttered to her one last time via phone earlier in the year. They were the last words spoken to her from her grandmother, only days before the woman had passed.

  
Aubrey and Chloe were unable to make the funeral, work schedules too hectic to schedule a last minute trip. It had torn Aubrey apart, much to the dismay of her family - who repeatedly told her that it was okay‍, Mamaw would have wanted her to go on with her life.

  
Her thoughts were, once again, disrupted by the redhead - who was staring at her in shock still.

  
“No, I can’t...I just landed that role.” She shook her head, staring at her girlfriend with wide, shimmering blue eyes. “Are you high?”

Aubrey shook her head, leaning back and blowing smoke above her head and body.

  
“Then why?”

  
“I miss my Mamaw. And mama - I miss South Carolina.” Aubrey opened the whiskey, taking a small sip.

  
“Every state is the same, Bree.”

  
Of course the redhead said that. Her family had moved around so much when she was young - between Chloe’s mother’s several boyfriends and their self proclaimed ‘lust for life’, they never stayed in one place long.

  
If you had to ask Aubrey, she would tell you exactly why each state was unique.   
South Carolina was nothing like anywhere else - all of the charm of the South mixed with class and grace. There was nothing like a girl from the south - not that Chloe would know, Aubrey thought bitterly.

  
There was nowhere like her home. Nowhere else you could smoke a cigarette and drink whiskey out of a mason jar on a barn wood porch swing while dolled up, having just got back from the races. Sweet tea and cornbread served at every family gathering, never a shortage of Southern Comfort to get the men rolling and the women drawling.

  
Aubrey wordlessly finished her cigarette, stomping out the butt under her heel - a Louboutin - ashes marring the perfect red sole, before getting up and descending down the stairs. After all, someone had to attend to the masses of people Chloe invited over to celebrate.

  
————

  
The topic never did come up again, the two women pretending that their encounter on the rooftop terrace of their apartment building had never happened.

  
But it had, and Aubrey was distraught over it. It was another confirmation that Chloe didn’t notice a single thing about her - didn’t care to get to know the person Aubrey was pre-Barden, pre-dating. To Chloe, there was simply no life before her.

  
Of course Chloe never noticed Aubrey’s clothing slowly disappearing from their closet. She never noticed Aubrey’s seemingly longer hours, stiffer on frivolous spending. Her phone calls with her mama that lasted for hours instead of mere minutes.

  
It wasn’t running away from her problems, as Beca had called it when she confided in the brunette several days prior. She was simply taking a vacation from life for a while.

  
A tear tracked down her face as Chloe ran out the door- brunch with the cast or something of that sort. Aubrey had never been invited around her friends, despite them having been together for nearly ten years. She wasn’t good enough.

  
Her hand shook as she wrote out a note for her girlfriend, sobbing quietly as she fought to find the words to describe exactly how she felt. She needed a vacation, to find herself somewhere. Aubrey had spent too much time longing for home and not enough time seeking it.

  
_Chloe,_

_  
I love you. I have always loved you, but I need to find myself. Right now, you’re off at that event with your cast and I can’t help but wonder why it’s never me. Why is it always them over me? Why can’t you be proud of me?_

_  
I haven’t stopped thinking about the night on the terrace and how you told me that every state is the same. About how you never spoke of that night again, really. If everywhere is the same, then I’ll feel okay living here when I come back._

_  
I’m not gone forever, and this isn’t a goodbye (unless you want it to be). I will still text you and call you, I swear. I just need some time, Chloe. I need to be the best person I can be for you, and right now I can’t make that happen._

_  
I love you forever and for always._

_  
Aubrey._

  
Tears blurred her vision as she tacked the note up on their memo board - the bulletin board she had installed years ago to keep track of where they needed to be and when.

  
It wasn’t that she wanted to leave, but she was just too homesick. Her nights alone were spent whining over a bottle of whiskey with a pack of cigarettes, Beca on the other end listening to her woes.

  
The alternative girl really did grow into the best friend she could have ever imagined. But when Aubrey mentioned an extended vacation in the Carolinas, it was suddenly the worst thing in the world.

  
Her hand lingered on the note for a second more, pressing her lips to the bottom and leaving a perfect print of her red lips.

  
The mirror across from her reflected an image so out of place in New York City - the blonde’s hair, perfectly curled and half hidden behind a large floppy hat, wearing a dress that looked like it was directly taken from a 50s magazine. It was the picture of timeless beauty and grace that somehow never fit in with the New York State of mind.

  
It broke her heart to leave, she wanted to rip up the note and go into work as usual, but she didn’t - she needed this break, however long it may be. Aubrey pulled out her phone, typing a simple text to Beca - ‘note is up. I’m scared.’ - and then another to Chloe, a simple apology.

  
Grabbing a bottle of water for the road, she hoisted her purse higher on her shoulder and stepped into her heels. Quiet sobs wracked her body as she locked the door and made her way down to her car.

  
She kept her head down, trying in vain to go unnoticed. There were only two sides of the blonde that she would never allow anyone (with the exception of her girlfriend) to see - one of those things being any show of emotion from the blonde.

  
Stepping into her car was painful. It felt like she was making a huge mistake, but she was a Posen - and part of being a Posen was never turning back. Aubrey longed for one last kiss from her redheaded ball of spunk. One last cuddle in their shared bed with hushed conversations in the middle of the night.

  
The thing about last times is that you never realize that it - whatever it may be - may end. You never know when you’ll hold your girlfriend for the last time, or exactly when you’ll run off and leave her for the last time.

  
Then again, if you knew, you may act differently.

  
Aubrey drove in silence, hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that it hurt. What if Chloe knew she was going to leave?

  
Would she have acted differently? Aubrey liked to think so. Maybe their time apart would show Chloe how badly the blonde had been hurting - a hurt so badly that her antidepressants could never touch - she may have acted differently.

  
But if there was one thing that Aubrey didn’t want, it would be sympathy. Chloe was out, living her life, Aubrey only getting in the way of that.

  
Another soft sob wracked her body when she noticed a text come in from the aforementioned redhead - several question marks and a heart.

  
Was this the biggest mistake she could ever make? Possibly. But there was no turning back now, not after all of this.   
Hours passed and so did the states, Aubrey never breaking her perfect hold on the wheel. Her gas light came on and she pulled into the nearest travel stop.

  
Emerging from the car, she let out a loud groan and attempted to stretch her body out. Four hours in the car had her entire body cramping, pain shooting down her legs. She limped into the gas station, paying for her gas and purchasing some of her favorite road trip snacks - gummy bears, Coke Zero, and a five hour energy shot.

  
The travel stop was bustling - happy couples headed on vacation, truck drivers eager to get on the road, and grinning families stopping to use the restroom on their way through town. She felt herself relax a little bit, determined to enjoy this trip - no matter how guilty she felt or how much she missed Chloe.

  
Pulling out of the gas station, the road saw a renewed and recharged Aubrey. She dropped the top on her car, wind whipping through her hair. Yes, this was the reason she got a convertible instead of a ‘ _sensible lawyer’s vehicle_ ’.

  
She threw a gummy bear up in the air, catching it in her mouth as she thumbed through her playlist - affectionately named ‘ _Aubrey’s power jams_ ’ by Chloe one day when they were making playlists on the couch - and selected her favorite song.

  
The beginning chords of The Sign flowed through the vehicle and out into the open air, the music swallowed by the open road. Her grin was wide, one hand moving up to hold her hat on her head as she took a particularly sharp turn.

  
Never had she ever felt more free than in this moment. The road had no expectations of her, and she could ignore everything else as long as she was driving. Aubrey sang along to the chorus, reaching down to pull her drink to her mouth, taking a long pull from it.

  
In her lap, Aubrey’s iPhone buzzed and she silenced it. No, this wasn’t the time.   
The road stretched out in front of her, sun setting into a beautiful pink color. Her sunglasses slipped down her face and she pulled them off, setting them neatly in the clip on her visor.

  
Rationality took over and Aubrey felt the familiar knot form in the pit of her stomach. She knew that she needed to face reality soon. Chloe would be worried - she may have been a bad partner at times, but she still loved Aubrey - and Beca would be demanding to hear every detail of her adventures.

  
No, not yet. She craved the solace and peace of being on the road for just a few more moments. Turning down her exit, the blonde smiled fondly and wished that she had brought Chloe.

  
Have you ever been so wrapped up in something for so long that you didn’t know how to function without it? Chloe came around on Aubrey’s very first day of college - fresh faced and newly eighteen, ready to start her new chapter of life at Barden University.

  
Aubrey couldn’t remember a life without Chloe, having spent well over ten years seeing the girl daily. She was Aubrey’s normal, her grounding point, her distraction, her safety.

  
This trip would surely be the longest she had been without her girlfriend since they started dating nearly a decade ago.

  
No, there was no turning back now. The lines in the road blurred as she turned down the familiar road, the houses she grew up around passing by her. Aubrey smiled, a warm feeling washing through her, and hit the button to put the hood up on her car - there was no way she would risk the rain touching her precious car.

  
Her mama was waiting outside, mason jar in her hand and a cigarette - unlit - tucked behind her ear. She stood and waved wildly upon seeing her daughter’s car, the vehicle being unmistakable - how many other blondes had a vintage red convertible sports car with a Barden University vanity plate and a peach shaped air freshener hanging off of their mirror?

  
Aubrey squealed, scrambling to get her important items - phone, charger, glasses, and purse - before hurrying up the porch steps to hug her mother, ladylike as ever.

  
“Aubrey! How was the drive, darlin’? I got worried when you didn’t text me.” 

The blonde plucked the cigarette from her mother’s ear, slipping it into her hand and digging in her purse for a lighter.

  
“It was good, mama. I put my phone away, though. I’ve just got a lot going on and I want to check out for a few hours.” She pulled out the pale pink lighter, cigarette held firmly between her lips.

  
“Sneaky little thing, you are.” Her mother smiled at her, pulling her pack from her pocket and lighting her own cigarette.

  
“Learned it from the best.” The blonde winked, tossing her hair behind her shoulder and blowing smoke out into the dark sky.

  
South Carolina was not like New York, Aubrey mused. New York was street meat and pretzels and beer and piss. Hustle and bustle, chatter and noise. This was nothing like that. Home was starry skies and beautiful sunsets. Where the sweet tea never ran out and there was never a shortage of cigarettes in her mama’s cabinet - L&M shorts, the blue pack. Home was cornbread and cupcakes, chicken fried and not grilled, the holy abomination of grilled chicken unofficially banned in their household.

  
“Penny for your thoughts?” Aubrey’s mother’s smile was gentle, sitting back in her chair and motioning for Aubrey to take the porch swing - her favorite place to sit in her teen years.

  
The blonde sat, setting her purse on the table beside her mother. She mused to herself for a moment, lips pressed around her cigarette in a small pout, fingers working at the ties on the cushion she was sitting on. The smoke billowed out from her nose, floating off into the muggy air.

  
“I’m...conflicted.”

  
“I can tell. Tell me about it.”

  
“Chloe is all about New York - and I’m not. But I’m all about Chloe, mama, I love her so much. I just can’t live there. She’s always at those vast occasions and I feel like I rarely see her outside of social events now.” She murmured, leaning forward and holding her hand out expectantly.

  
“There’s a little bit of comfort in that, darlin’.”

  
“Oh, mama, do you think I didn’t know that?” The blonde drawled, taking a long sip from the cup and handing it back. “Your sweet tea is so much better than mine has ever been, I swear I’ll have you make me a bathtub full before I head out again.”

  
Silence engulfed the two women for a moment - fleeting and rare in the Posen household when her father was gone.

Mama was laugher and light, happiness and sunshine, while daddy was silence and proper, dark skies and rain.

  
“You love her, hm?”

  
“More than anything, mama.” If there was anything Aubrey was sure of in life, it was her love for Chloe.

  
“Did you tell her you were leaving out?”

  
“About that...mama I swear—“ Aubrey started, head dropping as a blush took over her face and chest.

  
“Aubrey Faith Posen! You call that girl up right now and apologize! Don’t you dare do someone like that.”

  
“Mama no! Not now, but I swear I will. I swear on the Bible and your cornbread.” The last part came with a smirk, the blonde wiggling her eyebrows.

  
“Oh, sissy, you ain’t getting a touch of my cornbread until you’ve apologized to her. You want to waste a decade because you got a hair across your ass and ran south for a vacation?”

  
“No, mama. I know, I do. I promise I’ll talk to her before bed - I really will, not like all the other times. Oh, where’s daddy?”

  
“Iraq. Kuwait. Hell, darlin’, he left so darned fast I don’t even know.”

  
“Landon?” Aubrey smiled. It had been so long since she had seen her baby brother - now seventeen and the perfect gentleman - and she filled with excitement at the thought of a family reunion.

  
“Inside. He’s got perfect attendance this year - but his grades ain’t the best. He’s no you.”

  
A slight smirk graced the blonde’s face. Of course her brothers weren’t nearly as academically inclined as she was. It was her pride and joy to be the proper and smart sibling - her brothers always usurping her in sports and hunting.

  
She laughed softly to herself, reminding herself of one particular summer activity when she was twelve and Josh was thirteen. She hadn’t been much good at hunting, or helping with the meat, so daddy had tasked her and Joshua with putting together their new porch swing. It ended poorly, the wood sitting out in the rain while they cried to their mama inside.

  
“What’s up?” Her mother smiled, flicking her cigarette ashes into the tray to her side and crushing the butt in the sand.

  
“Remember the porch swing? When Josh and I had to put it together?”

  
Her mother only laughed in response.

  
————

  
“Fuck.” She hissed out, keys hitting the floor once again. Why did she think she was capable of getting into the apartment by herself?

  
A triumphant grin spread across her face, slamming the door open and stumbling in. She fumbled over to the couch, trying (without success) to pull her heels off as she walked.

  
“Aubrey?” The redhead called out, a small frown playing on her lips. She really hadn’t meant to be out as long as she had, but brunch turned into shopping, which turned into dinner - and they couldn’t just go home after dinner, there was a new bar they needed to check out!

  
But Aubrey always understood. She was always there when the redhead showed back up, holding her hair when she was sick, giving her tall glasses of water and juice, washing her clothing and steaming her dresses - even though she never asked her to.

  
Aubrey was always there, so why wasn’t she answering her?

  
“Bree? I’m dizzy.” Chloe whined out, flopping onto the floor and huffing.

  
No one came running. She couldn’t hear the sound of ibuprofen being shaken out into a hand. Or the sound of water filling her favorite cup.

  
She pulled out her phone, reading over the text from her girlfriend with a slight frown. An apology, but for what? Maybe the fight they had gotten into a few days prior, when Chloe wanted to go get her nails done with friends instead of helping Aubrey prepare for her trial.

  
Yes, that was it. The blonde was clearly regretting her decision to be hateful with her. Of course! But where was she?   
Chloe typed out a short text - ‘I’m drunk and I need you. Where r u? :(‘ - before stalking into the kitchen and filling her own glass bitterly.

  
It wasn’t that she was incapable of filling her own cup - counting out her own pills - she just preferred it when Aubrey did it. Somehow, this water tasted funny, which was virtually impossible considering the fact that they both filled up the cup at the exact same filter on the exact same tap.

  
But it was different. It wasn’t Aubrey water. It wasn’t the same, it would never be the same. Chloe sank down into her chair, the loneliness and quiet of the apartment eating away at her.

  
Chloe had never been in their apartment alone. Not since they moved there. She wasn’t really sure what Aubrey did between work and when she got home, nor did it cross her mind. She looked around, angrily tapping her foot, when the paper on the memo board caught her attention.

  
They never used that stupid thing - another one of Aubrey’s brilliant plans to help Chloe become a functioning adult, which didn’t work. It never did. Chloe would never be functional.

  
The paper spread across the table, she began to read.

  
No. There was only one thought that crossed her mind - no. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t have driven the blonde away again.

  
The first time was their senior year in college, when Chloe had become infatuated with Beca and stopped making time for Aubrey. She returned to their dorm room one night, dinner in hand, to realize that everything the blonde had owned was gone.

  
This couldn’t be happening - not again. This doesn’t happen to people like her - famous leading lady in a Broadway show, picture perfect and sweet as honey. But it was, and she had chosen her career over the blonde.

  
Tears welled up in her eyes and she allowed herself only a moment to cry silently, trying in vain to make sense of herself enough to text her girlfriend.

  
_I know I screwed up and I want to fix it. I love you. Please tell me where you are. Even if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I’ll still love you until the day I die. Aubrey, please. I’m sorry._

  
She slapped her phone down on the table, angry tears filling her eyes. It had been an hour since she sent the message and still, nothing. Not a single word!   
How could Aubrey care so little about her?

  
Oh. That was how she had treated the blonde. Suddenly, the annoyance she felt with the ‘clingy’ blonde dissipated, leaving behind a sharp ache in her chest.

  
How horrible had Aubrey felt when she cried for Chloe not to leave, only to have the redhead slip out while she was in the shower? How many times did Aubrey text her, begging her to come home, to only have Chloe ignore her?

  
Yeah, rejection felt like shit.

  
Sighing, she picked up her phone and dialed the only person who could help her - Beca. Her phone rang for a moment before the brunette picked up, voice hoarse with sleep.

  
“Took you long enough, dumbass.” Her words were bitter, and not just from being woken up.

  
“You knew? You knew about this?” She bit back an angry scream. No, she had absolutely no right to be angry - she caused this herself.

  
“Of course I knew, Chlo! Who do you think picked your girlfriend up off the floor when she sobbed alone? Who do you think came up here to pet her hair and hold her when she watched you go to the Oscar party without her? Everyone else having had a date and you never even asked her! She’s a fucking mess, Chlo, and I love you...but this is all your fault.”

  
The line went silent for a moment, Chloe’s soft sobs the only noise between the two. Beca didn’t dare speak, most likely biting back everything Chloe deserved to hear.

  
“I screwed up.”

  
More silence. Of course, she would have to work at this.

  
“I don’t know what to do, Beca! I don’t - so just help me! This isn’t supposed to happen to me, she’s supposed to wait on me to settle down.”

  
There was a loud huff on the other end of the line. Chloe could practically hear Beca’s teeth grinding in anger.

  
“Wait on you to settle down? Wait on you! Ha - that’s fucking hilarious Chloe, considering you two are in your mid thirties! Did you ever consider what she wants? What Aubrey wants? Or is she just some fancy little pawn in your game of life? She wants to be wanted! She is a fucking queen, and deserves so much more than this.”

  
There was a small cough, most likely Beca hiding a soft cry. Chloe let out a choked sob, hand clasped over her mouth. It was so hard to admit that she had screwed up, that Aubrey was, in fact, treated poorly.

  
“I love her. I do, I love her. I don’t know what to do, Beca. Where is she? Where the hell is she? I can’t go get my girl back if I can’t find her and - oh god, Beca, I’d give it all up for her. I would, I really would.”

  
“Then give it all up.” Beca bit back, voice almost a scream. Chloe was sure that she heard Stacie’s soft whispers on the other end, calming the brunette. Of course, they had a perfect relationship, even with Beca’s career flourishing. Stacie settled down for the traveling DJ, and Aubrey settled down for her.

  
“My career?” Chloe’s words were small, whispered. “Just...quit my job?”

  
“I’m sure you can dance and sing for someone else. Bree fucking hates your job, you know? You’re tearing her apart.”

  
“Then I’ll quit. I’ll do it. Just tell me what to do, Beca.” Words lingered on her tongue, unspoken yet loud.

_You know my girlfriend better than I do._

  
“Do it. Go after your girl.”

  
“Where...where is she?”

  
“You don’t know where the fuck to find her? Then you’re obviously the shittiest girlfriend on the planet, Chlo.” The bitterness came back to Beca’s voice, practically shooting daggers in the redhead with only her tone. Venom so poisonous it was capable of death with a drop alone.

  
Oh, this was bad.

  
“I don’t...I don’t know.”

  
“What did she tell you, that night up on the terrace? Do you even care, or was it the big ole Chloe show? Oh wait, I can answer that one myself - Aubrey didn’t matter, she never will. You know how much she hates parties, yet you had that entire cast over! You didn’t even introduce her - you just ran off with your friends and left her standing there like an idiot!”

  
Chloe let out a loud sob, sadness ripping through every cell in her body. She saw it, how badly she had fucked up, and there was no way to fix it. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, words failing to come out.

  
There was nothing to say. It dawned on her finally, there was no justifying her behavior. No matter how clingy the blonde had been, no matter how strong she pretended to be, it was still all Chloe’s fault.

  
The two women sat on the line, Beca sipping on a drink while Chloe typed out an email on her computer with vision blurred from tears.

  
“Beca?”

  
“Hm?” The brunette sounded more relaxed, though tension still remained in her voice.

  
“Can I run this by you?”

  
“Yeah, go ahead. Stace, mute that for a sec - thanks babe. Okay, Chlo.”

  
“Cast and crew - I regret to inform you that I am stepping down from my role in this show. I know that this is very sudden and it is so close to our opening show, but I need to pull back on this one. I wish you all the best. Mandy will fill my role very nicely. I hope to get the chance to work with you all again one day soon. My formal notice will be faxed to you within the week. Chloe Beale.” She beamed with pride when she finished, waiting on Beca to say something - anything.

  
“Holy shit.” It was a whisper.

  
“Yeah. Holy shit. I just quit my job. I just quit my job!” She squealed with glee, jumping up and dancing.

  
“You really did it, Beale. Stace says congratulations, by the way. Now you just need to go get your girl.”

  
More silence. Chloe could tell that Beca wanted to scream - to tell her how stupid she was for not paying more attention to the blonde.

  
“Oh. You don’t know where she...okay, I’m making you do this yourself.”   
A soft whine. Chloe did not like doing things herself. But she would do anything for her girl - to prove exactly how much she loved that woman.

  
“What did she tell you - that night up on the terrace?”

  
“She smokes - I didn’t know that.”

  
“Think, Chlo.”

  
“Her mama. She went to see her mama?”

  
“Bingo.”

  
They were getting too good with the silence, Chloe tapping her nails on the table in thought. Beca waited for something - Chloe interrupting the quiet with a loud groan.

  
“I don’t know where that…”

  
“All of these years and you never went?”

  
“No.”

  
“South Carolina - start driving and I’ll tell you where to go.”

  
Chloe jumped up, fumbling to collect her keys and purse. She threw clothing into her bag, hands shaking as she folded the note up and carefully tucked it into her purse.

  
“I love you, Bec. I love you, Stacie!”

  
“We love you. Now go get your girl, Beale. Let me know when you get there, okay?”

  
————

  
Waking up in the south was a pleasure like nothing you could ever experience. The sharp call of a rooster was the only alarm anyone ever needed. The sun was bright, air fresh. It was peaceful and beautiful, no cars rushing by or semi trucks blaring their horns.

  
Aubrey stretched, rolling out of her childhood bed and padding down the hallway. It was so peaceful here, and she found herself wishing for just a moment that she never had to grow up.

  
Making her way down to the kitchen, she snagged a cup of sweet tea from her brother who was already late for his biology lecture.

  
“Morning, Cal. Where’s mama?”

  
“I didn’t know you got in yet! Hey, Bree, bring it in. I’ve missed you. Mama’s in the car, she’s got to take me to class today.”

  
She embraced her brother, a large grin on her face. Oh, it felt so good to be home, even if it were temporary.

  
“Oh, well tell mama I say good morning and that I expect some cornbread upon her return. I love you!” Aubrey called out the door, wiping the condensation from the side of her glass and making her way out onto the porch.

  
The wooden swing creaked under her weight and she leaned back, smiling out into the morning sun, sunglasses firmly planted on her face. She could stay there - on her porch swing, sipping a sweet tea over ice - forever.

  
It felt like an instant and an eternity all at once, jumping when she heard her mother’s car pull into the driveway once again. She raised her hand, soft smile playing on her lips as she languidly took another pull from her cup.

  
It was a little slice of heaven in her whacked out world.

  
“Good morning, I see you’ve made yourself right at home.”

  
“Not yet - I haven’t had my daily dose of cornbread.” The blonde snickered, getting up from the swing and sauntering into the house.

  
“Don’t think I forgot about my conditions.” Her mother snapped and held her hand out, waiting for Aubrey to place some form of proof in her hand.

  
Aubrey sighed, shoulders slumping. “Mama, I apologized when I left. Do I need to show you?”

  
“No, I guess not. Are you sure you apologized?”

  
She nodded, finding a spot at the breakfast bar and sitting down. Silence fell upon the two women, Aubrey tapping out a beat on the vinyl countertops while her mother hummed away at the stove.

  
It was comfortable, reminding the blonde of her high school days. Her mama was always her best friend, the boys too immature for her and the girls too catty.

She had never had anyone - not even a friend, really - until Chloe barged into her life, all pretty smiles and bubbly attitude.

  
A sharp knock on the door had both women furrowing their brows in confusion. Aubrey lifted her hand, pointing to the door.

  
It was strange - absolutely unexpected. Aubrey didn’t think many people visited her mama at the house, her daddy was too intimidating to risk seeing.

  
Her mother wiped her hands on the apron she had tied on top of her dress, moving to the door and letting out a sharp gasp when she opened it. Aubrey attempted to twist her neck to look around her mother, but failed.

  
Moments passed and she heard whispers coming from her mama. Her brow furrowed into a tighter knot in confusion - mama never kept secrets. Finally, she called through the house.

  
“Aubrey - you have a visitor.”

  
A visitor? A friend from high school, perhaps. After all, Calvin and Landon knew she was there - they could have told their friends who had siblings her age.

  
Her mother cracked the door shut, traveling back to the kitchen. She shot a bright grin at Aubrey, motioning towards the door. Something told the blonde that she would like this visitor, whoever it may have been.

  
Aubrey squared her shoulders and pushed the door open, gasping softly at the sight before her. There - on the very porch swing she attempted to build as a small preteen - was none other than Chloe Beale, holding a bouquet of flowers and a small gift bag.

  
Her heart hammered in her chest. She did not expect it to go this way. There was a plan, she thought it out! Things were supposed to go as planned, no matter how relaxed her mama’s house made her.

  
“Chloe…” She breathed out, eyes welling with tears as a smile spread across her face.

  
“Aubrey Faith, did you really think you could run from me?”

  
There were no words to express everything she felt in that moment. Love, peace, happiness, fear, sadness. Instead of running, she sat beside her girlfriend, leaning her head on Chloe’s shoulder.

  
“I wasn’t running. I couldn’t be there anymore, Chlo.”

  
“I know. I quit my job.”

  
“You...what?” Aubrey stuttered, mouth agape.

  
“Quit. You didn’t like it, I kept leaving you. I should have listened to you sooner. You really scared me, you know?”

  
“I’m sorry. I—“

  
“No, I’m the one who needs to be sorry. I kept leaving, Bree. I didn’t even take you to the Oscars with me. I feel like shit and I just want you to know that I love you - more than anything in the world. So, yeah. I don’t know what else to say. I brought you these.”

  
A gift bag was pushed into her lap and Aubrey accepted it with a small, shy smile. She chose instead to admire the flowers - lilacs and orchids, her favorites.

There was no doubt that the redhead was, in fact, sorry for her actions.

  
“Just open your present, Bree.”

  
She took a deep breath, pulling aside the tissue paper and grinning in delight. Oh yes, she could get behind gifts like these. Neatly placed in the bag were a bottle of Southern Comfort, two packs of L&M shorts, and a plastic mason jar filled with Cow Tails - her favorite snack on earth.

  
“Chloe…” She trailed off, tears welling up in her eyes again. “I love you.”

  
“I love you too. I love that part of you that’s a down home southern girl, too. I want you to be yourself around me. I know that you think the world has to see this cool, collected lawyer, but I want to know all of you.”

  
Aubrey was shell shocked. Never in her life would she have imagined her girlfriend sitting across from her, embracing her southern ways. Most women Chloe ran with didn’t drink whiskey and smoke.

  
In that moment, she did the only thing she knew to do and pressed a soft kiss to the redhead’s lips before letting out a loud holler.

  
“Mama! Come on out here, I need some tea an’ a lighter! Two teas, please mama - m’lady needs one too.”

  
Chloe snickered, leaning into the blonde with eyes full of love and adoration. Oh, it never failed to melt her heart when her girlfriend let her accent slip. It was adorably Aubrey, something that she never let anyone else see.

  
Slender fingers ran over the plastic wrap covering the pack of cigarettes longingly. This was a celebratory smoke moment, but she pulled her fingers out of the gift bag and set them in her lap instead.  
Chloe glanced over at her, a bemused look on her face. “Go on, I know you want one.” A soft nod punctuated her words.

  
Aubrey hesitated, hand slowly peeling back the wrapper on the package before flipping a cigarette - middle of the pack, front row.

  
“What’re you doing?” Chloe’s eyes were on her hands, pointing to the overturned cigarette.

  
“That’s your lucky. You flip it when you open the pack and smoke it last.” She pulled out a cigarette from the back row before holding the pack in Chloe’s direction. “Smoke?”

  
“Maybe a draw off yours.” Chloe offered, small smile. Her eyes were transfixed on the blonde, the way her mouth looked curled around the filter. She almost missed Aubrey’s mother coming out with a tray of drinks and snacks.

  
“Addie!” She jumped up, offering Aubrey’s mother a hug.

  
“Hello, Chloe. Did Aubrey like her...you did give it to her already, yeah?” Addie - Aubrey’s mother - worried her bottom lip between her teeth, glancing down at her daughter.

  
“She did.” Aubrey answered for her, grin plastered across her face as she set the cigarette on the arm of the swing. Chloe reached for a cup of sweet tea, Aubrey laughing and batting her hand away.

  
“Chlo.” She laughed. “It isn’t done yet!” Aubrey pulled out the whiskey, adding it to the tea with a proud smile. It was as though it was second nature, and the redhead idly wondered if she ever saw Aubrey drink sweet tea without the alcohol.

  
Aubrey passed out the drinks, her mother chiding her for not stirring quite long enough, and Chloe relaxed back into the swing. Something about the pair made her feel so at home - a feeling she had never experienced with her family.

  
Growing up with a dozen siblings and a basket case for a mother didn’t exactly leave the redhead with a great deal of family skills. Watching Aubrey and her mother laugh and talk with a drink in their hands was so natural to them, yet foreign to Chloe.

  
Aubrey tapped her leg, breaking her from her thoughts. She jumped slightly and pulled the cigarette straight from the blonde’s mouth with a sly smirk.

  
“Mhm?” She hummed, admiring her girlfriend in her more relaxed state. It was absolutely gorgeous, her hair wild and eyes alight.

  
“Can you shotgun?” Aubrey’s lips turned up in a smirk to rival Chloe’s. It was a challenge, not a question.

  
Shotgun. Like - oh. Realization washed over the redhead and she felt her heart jump to her throat. Aubrey Posen was going to - what - in front of her mother? Never in a million years would she have imagined that her girlfriend would be so daring.

  
The cigarette was plucked from Chloe’s fingers and placed between Aubrey’s lips. Her mouth went dry as Aubrey took a long draw off the cigarette and placed their lips together.

  
Smoke billowed from between their lips, Chloe inhaling the smoke and air from her girlfriend’s lips. The air - and the kiss - tasted something like Chloe imagined out of a daydream. It was minty smoke mixed with sweet tea and Southern Comfort, with a hint of the flavor that was so undeniably unique to the blonde.

  
Aubrey pulled back, watching the smoke flow from Chloe’s mouth and nose. The front door clicked shut, Aubrey’s mother having retreated into the house to give the girls some more privacy.

  
Chloe sat back, panting softly. She longed to pull the blonde closer to her again, pull the smoke from her lips in the same sensual fashion, but decided against it for the moment.

  
“Chloe…” Aubrey’s voice was husky, moreso from lust than the slim white cancer stick hanging from her lips. The redhead leaned forward, lips grazing her girlfriend’s earlobe.

  
“If we weren’t on your mom’s porch, I’d take you right this minute.”

  
“Oh, darlin’, please.” Aubrey drawled out, Chloe feeling electricity flowing through her veins. Aubrey so rarely allowed her accent to slip out, but it was one of the little quirks that Chloe loved about her.

  
They sat for a moment, chests heaving and foreheads pressed together, the cigarette dangling from Aubrey’s slightly parted lips. Their noses bushes and Chloe pulled back, relaxing back and using her foot to push the swing slightly.

  
“I quit my job, in case you didn’t comprehend that. Like for real - I wasn’t lying to you.”

  
There was a sharp intake of breath, forgotten cigarette falling to the floor. Aubrey sat back, lips pressed together and eyes narrowing.

  
“You - what? Excuse me, I’m not following here. You were just cast as the leading lady and you quit?”

  
“You didn’t want that life. You wanted me - and I want you - and I can get by without theater, but I can’t live without you. When I thought you were gone for good, I wanted to die.” Chloe murmured, running her hand through messy red hair in an effort to pat out the frizziness.

  
There was a beat of silence - it was always silence with Aubrey, ever the rational thinker - before she exhaled in a long, drawn out sigh. No, she didn’t want Chloe to put her life on hold, but it felt good. It felt good to be the center of her attention, if only just for a moment.

  
But was it really that bad? If Chloe asked her to, she would drop everything she had ever wanted in life. All Aubrey ever wanted was to make the redhead happy, to live a quiet life in a cute little house together.

  
“Are you sure about this? Don’t you dare put your life on hold for me.”

  
“On hold? Oh, Bree, this is only a step forward for us.”

  
Their lips met in a soft kiss, more love expressed in that kiss than Aubrey would ever be able to put into words. She was a scholar - an honor student all through her academic years - and yet, she could never put into words exactly how the redhead made her feel.

  
Touch between the two spoke more than just desire, it was a delicate dance between passion and love - every word Aubrey couldn’t say bubbling up to the surface.

  
Chloe could practically taste every word on the blonde’s lips. Her lips worked across Chloe’s in a silent ‘ _I need you_ ’, hand flying to twist through the untamed hair, frizzy from rubbing against the leather seat of her car.

  
Any other day the redhead would have cringed at the taste of cigarette on someone’s lips, but it was intoxicating on her girlfriend. It felt like a secret - and in a way it was.

  
It was a side of her girlfriend that was hidden away behind pressed slacks and her domineering attitude.

  
Chloe grinned against her lips, cupping her cheek and pulling back. “I like this Aubrey, you should bring her out to play more often.”

  
“You — what?” A blush began to spread across the blonde’s face, only solidifying the sentiment that yes, this was the best side of Aubrey.

  
“I like this side of you. You’re free and untamed - you just look happier.” Chloe pursed her lips for a moment before sighing. “Do you think that I could get a job teaching out here?”

  
“Oh, of course you could, darlin’. Why?” Aubrey rolled her straw between her lips, eyes trained on the gorgeous redhead in front of her.

  
“Could you work here? Not like, here - but in the south, I mean.”

  
Realization washed over the blonde and a huge megawatt smile spread across her face. Chloe pulled out her phone and snapped a photo - she wanted to remember this moment forever. Her girlfriend looked so free and happy, hair down and slightly tangled with a wide grin on her face.

  
“Do you mean we can - to the south? Chloe, you hate it here.”

  
“No, I don’t hate it. But you love it and I’m willing to do it for you.” Her words were dripping with emotion, eyes welling up with tears she was determined not to let fall.

  
“It doesn’t have to be here - South Carolina. It can be anywhere. I’ll go anywhere with you.” Aubrey laid her head on Chloe’s shoulder, toying with the ends of her hair. The blonde found herself idly wondering what the fiery hair would look like in the glow of the setting sun, silently vowing to find out.

  
“I know you will. You stayed..in New York, I mean. Beca told me that you did it for me.”

  
Aubrey was embarrassed to admit that the statement was true. Posens weren’t typically known for following their hearts. She nodded, closing her eyes and curling into Chloe’s chest.   
  
In that moment, the quiet chirping of the birds, it dawned on Chloe. No, there was nowhere quite like a southern porch swing with her girlfriend - all wild yet tamed at the same time - curled into her chest, cups of tea in their hands. She was, in fact, wrong. Every state was not the same, and she would never find that bliss anywhere else. 


End file.
